Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
