And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
