Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
