Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project

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(775): View more from Nevada

She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.

Fav 7 4048 964
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(641): View more from Iowa

You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.

Fav 20 1724 4467
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(503): View more from Oregon

ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.

Fav 7 1456 753
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...

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(646): View more from New York

Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities

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(806): View more from Texas

Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways

Fav 3 444 318
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(314): View more from Missouri

Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year

(1-314): View more from Missouri

So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition

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