I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
