I showed him my bush... on skype.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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