The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
