I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
