one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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