I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
