i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
