So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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