I've blown a few things in my day
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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