I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
