dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
