opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
