I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
