i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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