Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Naked. naked and bneed help.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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