you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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