You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
