I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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