He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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