My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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