mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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