You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
