I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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