He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
