i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We smell like vodka and hangover
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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