I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
