and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
