i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
