There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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