I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize