I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
