I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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