You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
