We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ttyl tear gas
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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