this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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