I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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