did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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