i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
