so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
