Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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