when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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