I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
