so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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