WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
