He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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