I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
