They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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