i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
