Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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