Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
