I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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