You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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