Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
