I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize
