That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Terrible idea I love it
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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