you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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