Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
