its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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