I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
