Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize