im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
