i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
