If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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