I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We are all done wearing pants today
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
