And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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