why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
