so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
