Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
