I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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