Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just invented taco cereal.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
