i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
